Mother and Father--confessions
by starseeker
Summary: in which talking is done and teeth are gnashed


None of these characters belong to me. I love feedback, please give me lots of it  
  
  
  
  
  
Mother and Father--Chapter 2  
  
Gwydion and I had not been in Camelot a week when the trouble with the High Queen began. Arthur and  
  
I had agreed upon him calling Gwydion his nephew, at least while he was young. There was great  
  
turbulence in the kingdom about religion, and many would frown upon Gwydion as an unholy thing, the  
  
Devil's creation. I saw the way she looked at him as he played with Arthur. A part of me felt a great swell  
  
of pity for her, knowing she beared Arthur no child and was miserable for it. But another part of me, a  
  
a deeper part was glad, because I knew that with Gwydion as the heir to the throne, Avalon could not be  
  
erased from the world. We were the royal family, with royal Avalon blood coarsing through our veins.  
  
And I would see to it that this fact remained.  
  
"Morgaine," Gwen said one day at supper. "Your son is truly beautiful. There is much of you in  
  
him. He is small, almost fey-like, like you. Do they not call you Morgaine of the Fairies? I remember  
  
being taught that the fairies were the Devil's minions," She laughed lightly at that and I could feel my  
  
pulse begin to throb at my temples. I silently willed her to stop but she continued to speak. "While there  
  
is much of you in him," She continued, "There must be some of his father in him. You must tell us, who  
  
is this handsome babe's father?" Arthur visibly bristled at this and opened his mouth to speak harshly  
  
to his wife but I cut him off. "He has no father," I replied, calmly. "He was conceived at the Beltane Rites,  
  
he is a child sent to me by the Goddess,"  
  
"Tell me," She said quietly, eyes narrowing. "Will you raise Gwydion to believe in such heathen  
  
ideas? When this land is a fully Christian land--"  
  
"This will never be a fully Christian land," I hissed, baring my teeth slightly.  
  
"Morgaine, Your highness, now is not the time to discuss this," Lancelet replied sharply,  
  
rising from his seat at the table. We both blushed and fell silent. After all these years Lancelet still had  
  
that kind of power over me. Gwenhwyfar too, as far as I could tell. Arthur threw Lancelet a grateful look,  
  
to which Lancelet responded with a slight smile. My appitite was spoiled at this point, so I left the  
  
banquet hall and went in search of my son.  
  
I found him playing in the courtyard with a young servant boy. They were apparently  
  
swordfighting as the sticks indicated, and I couldn't help but be amazed at the gracefulness of my  
  
son, even at such a young age. When they had finished, with my son recognized as the victor, he  
  
turned and noticed me standing there, watching. I knew he wanted to throw himself into my arms  
  
but being in front of his male friend he simply strode up to me.  
  
"Did you watch me mother?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, my baby, I did. you were wonderful," I said softly. "Come now, night approaches. We must  
  
get you into bed."  
  
In the early hours of the morning, Lancelet came to my room.  
  
"I am surprised to see you here," I said softly.  
  
"I am surprised to see you here as well. Morgaine, you disappear for years, and when you come  
  
back you have a son. I...I do not know what to make of all of this," I felt a flicker of anger burn in me.  
  
"You don't have to make anything of it," I replied coldly. "This has absolutely nothing to do with  
  
you. Neither my son, nor myself have any holdings on you. I suggest you look to your queen who is hell  
  
bent on making this difficult for me." At the mention of Gwenhwyfar, Lancelet's head twisted sharply up.  
  
There was cold fire in his eyes. "I cannot control the queen. She is--"  
  
"She is yours," I retorted sharply. "She is yours Lancelet and you are hers. There was once a time  
  
when I thought I could be her for you, but I cannot. I'm tired Galahad. I cannot continue to struggle with  
  
my emotions for you daily, not when I have a son to take care of now. He matters too much to me."  
  
"I see that," He replied calmly. "I daresay, the little one has everyone falling in love with him.  
  
Already at such a young age he has a great thirst to prove himself, to be accepted and honored. He  
  
carries with him a small dignity that I know must be the workings of Avalon. Tell me Morgaine, is that  
  
where you were? Is that where you were with Gwydion all this time?"  
  
"No, I was in Orkney actually, with my aunt Morgause,"  
  
"Morgause?" Lancelet replied incredulously.  
  
"Yes, Morgause. And after he was born she wanted me to stay there, to keep him there after I had  
  
decided to come back...but I..could not. I could not leave my son."  
  
"It was a wise choice, bringing him here. Arthur will treat him as though he were his own flesh  
  
and blood," I was quiet at that. I did not know what to say to him. I wondered if he knew, I wondered if  
  
Arthur had told him. But I did not know with certainty, so I said nothing. It was quiet between us all of a  
  
sudden. I felt that there was something pressing on his mind, weighing heavily on his soul., something  
  
he felt he needed to tell me.  
  
"Is there something troubling you?" I pressed gently. Lancelet sighed.  
  
"My soul is in peril, I fear," He said in a slightly trembling voice.  
  
"Is this about the queen?" I ask quickly. "Because, Lance I--"  
  
"No, this is not about the queen," He replied bitterly. "This is about the king."  
  
"What is the matter?" I asked, worried suddenly. "Has the king done something to  
  
displease you? Has he abused his power in some way? Has he--"  
  
"No nothing like that. In fact, the king has never been so kind, so wise, or so just,"  
  
he replied with a harsh laugh. "I..." his eyes closed briefly, his face struggling to compose itself.  
  
" I fear that my love for the king has exceeded what a loyal knight's love should." Before I could  
  
stop him, tell him that I didn't think I should be the one to hear this he went on. "It is almost getting  
  
to be too much for me. He is so trusting, so....beautiful," He said quietly, his voice faltering on the last  
  
word. "I find myself longing for him sometimes, it is almost like an ache. I suppose this ache is similar to  
  
the one you generate in him," So. he did know. "I think I will ask him to send me somewhere, some place  
  
far away, where..at least the ache can calm a bit,"  
  
"Lance, I do not know what I can say to you--"  
  
"You needn't say anything," Lancelet replied. "You have my thanks simply for listening"  
  
Suddenly he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine, soft and sweet. When we pulled apart  
  
his cheeks were flushed.  
  
"Remember that I do love you Morgaine," he said softly, as he headed toward the door. "I do  
  
love you, even if it is in my own way." And with that he was gone, sending my head spinning and my  
  
thoughts reeling. 


End file.
